How Not to Play a Video Game
by Seito
Summary: Or in which Robin and KF are genre savvy, Artemis hurts all over, there are red beams of energy everywhere and the bad guy just. won't. die! How did they get here?


I own nothing.

Meh, was written for a prompt but spiraled away from it. Comparable Sister Story to "Oh, that's where we are"

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><p>"How many forms does this guy have?" Artemis asked. She jabbed her bow into the ground as support to lift herself to her feet.<p>

"4… technically," Robin answered her, struggling to get to his feet. Around him the rest of the team were groaning and slowly getting up. Superboy helped Megan to her feet as Wally helped a slightly dazed Kaldur.

"And beating the giant dragon doesn't kill him why?" Artemis demanded. They had just flown through some negative absent of space fighting a giant… dragon… thing that most of them couldn't even begin to describe. Her body ached in various places and she was quite sure she would be black and blue tomorrow. Assuming that is, if they lived to see tomorrow. Ugh, what a crappy day this was turning out to be.

"Cliché 187," Wally said. "Cliché 187: "So, Andross, you reveal your true form!" on the Grand List of Game Console Role Playing Game Clichés. You will have to kill the evil villain at least twice at the end of the game. First the villain will look like a person or some creature and be rather easy to kill. Then he will grow to about 50 times the hero's size and be much harder to kill."

"It's technically an aversion," Robin rebuked, crossing his arms across his chest. "Not only does he have four forms, his last form is still very humanoid compared to the last two. But yes… cliché 187."

They were now in some… sort of white blank space. Gone was the dragon and again the tanned skin man wearing a white and black coat was standing before them going on about Light and Darkness and being eternal. It was much easier to just to tune him out instead of listening to his rant.

"At least it isn't a snake," Wally pointed out.

"What does a snake have to do with this?" Kaldur questioned. The ringing in his head was finally starting to go away. He had previously taken a nasty hit to the head, leaving him stunned during the battle with the giant dragon.

"Rule 34 on the Evil Overlord List: I will not turn into a snake. It never helps," Robin recited.

Kaldur fell silent for a moment. "... I don't know if I should be disturbed by the fact that there is such a thing as Evil Overlord List or that you have such list memorized."

"Does he ever shut up?" Superboy asked, glaring at their opponent standing a few feet away from them. The man was continuing on how about he would live forever for he was eternal as light and darkness.

Wally patted Superboy on the shoulder. "He'll stop eventually. Just let him get it off his shoulder. It's the Evil Gloating Trope. The villain will always gloat before the epic showdown battle."

Superboy looked at the speedster. "But, don't all the bad guys we face do this?"

"Truth in Television!"

Artemis scowled. "Where the hell are you getting all this rules?" She was doing a quick check over her equipment. For some reason her arrows never seen to deplete, allowing her to fire as many as she wanted. It was kinda nice not to worry about that. So long as her bow held up.

Wally and Robin shared a looked and snickered. "Oh somewhere."

"Um, guys," Megan chimed, interrupting her teammates. She took a step back. "The guy is starting to move."

"BIND!"

The man raced towards them. Black and white thorns began to sprout around him, wrapping around the room. The team leaped to into action, ducking over and under the sprouting wines. Robin handspring off the ground and landing on the man's shoulders before vaulting off again. As he twisted in the air, he led loose three birdarangs that exploded on contact with the man.

Through the smoke, Kaldur dashed through. With swift swing of his waterbearers, he knocked the man back. The man roared and casted his arm forward, energy swirling around his hand.

"BEGONE!"

"YIN YANG BOMB! DODGE!" Robin shouted.

Everyone leapt to the side as a beam of black and white energy passed through where Superboy and Megan were standing.

"Why are we fighting this guy?" Megan asked. She felt as if she was in some disadvantage here. There were no objects for her to throw with her telekinesis so she was primarily defending her teammates with mental shields and her own physical strength to land blows. She blocked the red energy sword the man had come charging at her with before pushing him back with mental thrust.

"Cliché 189: The Moral Of The Story (Ghaleon Rule). Every problem in the universe can be solved by finding the right long-haired prettyboy and beating the crap out of him," Robin stated. He rolled away from another attack.

"So… hurt him as badly as we can?" Superboy asked. He pulled Kaldur out of the way of another "yin yang bomb" that Robin had called it. He was getting frustrated that the man kept vanishing and reappearing and firing attacks all over the place.

"Basically!" Wally shouted in agreement. He let loose a few rapid fire punches on the man. His superspeed allowed him to keep up with man's disappearing attacks.

"That and we're 90% sure that defeating him will send us home," Robin added. He flung another birdarange that exploded on contact with the man.

The man suddenly let out a loud roar. "ARISE!" he shouted. He ran around the teens, leaving behind red orbs of energy behind him. "FIRE!" Without warning, the beams converged together on the superheroes, sending them flying.

"Owww," Megan moaned. "Those really hurt." She rubbed her shoulder where she had been hit. "Look out!" she shouted. With her telekinesis she pushed Kaldur out of the way as three more energy orbs rushing towards them.

"I'm getting really tired of this," Artemis grumbled. Soon her bruises will have bruises.

"Bullet hell is coming up," Wally moaned. This was not fun. Even with his speed there was no way he going to be able to dodge everything that bullet hell was going to put them through.

"Isn't it technically beam spam?" Robin pointed out. He flipped off of Superboy's shoulders to land a kick on the man.

Wally waved his hand. "Same difference. It's gonna hurt like hell either way." He grunted as another red beam hit in the stomach, sending him skidding a few feet back. "Ow."

"Seriously, you two. Where the hell are you coming up with all these rules?" Artemis snapped. She fired three arrows that exploded against three more energy beams.

"You need to get online more often," Wally and Robin chorused together.

Then out of nowhere, the man unleashed a beam of white and black energy that grabbed Robin and lifted the youngest member of the team into the air. Then with a sweep of his hand, he pushed the rest of the team back and away from him.

"ROBIN!" the teens cried together.

The Boy Wonder's screams filled the air as the man lifted him higher. "Can you spare… a heart?" the man mocked.

"We need to rescue him now," Wally quickly stated. This was very bad. While nothing so far seemed to do lasting damage to them, who knew what kind of repercussions this would have on Robin. Wally didn't want to take chance.

Kaldur nodded. "Wally catch Robin. Artemis, fire away. Megan, Superboy with me."

Artemis let loose three arrows. A red barrier deflected the first round of arrows. A copy of the man appeared and began to fire back at them spheres of black and white energy. Kaldur used his water shield to block first attack before ducking low, allowing Megan to fly over him and punch the copy in the face. Using the opening, Artemis let an arrow fly loose, this time hitting the man in the side. Superboy rammed into man, forcing him to drop Robin. Wally caught his friend before he hit the ground.

"Thanks," Robin said weakly. He felt as if all of his energy had been drained from him.

"No problem," Wally said. "Happy to help."

He ran to the side, away from the fight so that Robin could catch his breath. Turning his attention back to his teammates, Wally looked just in time to see Superboy send the man flying with a punch to the face. Artemis followed up the attack with another set of explosive arrows. Explosions rang, shaking the ground. From the smoke three more beams of red energy raced towards them. Megan blocked them with a mental barrier, allowing Kaldur to transform his waterbearer into a whip. It wrapped around the man's ankle, pulling him from the sky and sending him crashing to the ground.

Kaldur, Superboy, Artemis and Megan regrouped neared Wally and Robin. The man had gotten to his feet and let out a loud scream.

"WHY DON'T YOU VANISH?"

The room turned pitched black as the man levitated into the air. The team looked around in horror as thousands of bright red lights began to surround them. The doom enclosed around them. There was no way out.

"What… is this?" Megan asked. If all those blades came at them at once, she wasn't sure if everyone would be able to survive.

"Bullet Hell," Wally said. "This would be so much easier with a keyblade."

"A what?" Superboy asked.

Robin reached under his cape, pulling out two Eskrima sticks from underneath. He handed onto Wally. "Here use this to defend yourself 'cause there's no way you can dodge them all, KF."

"Thanks man," Wally said, taking the stick.

They formed a circle, standing back to back to each other. "Megan don't try to block them all, focus on protecting yourself," Kaldur ordered. He had transformed one of his waterbearer into a shield and the other into sword. "Dodge to the best of your ability, Superboy. You may be invincible but they will probably still hurt."

Both Megan and Superboy nodded in understanding and ready themselves. Artemis held her bow up in front of her, intending to use it to help block the beams of energy.

"Incoming," Robin announced.

"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LIGHT!"

The beams began to fire. Blinding lights, red flashes, all came at them at once. The teens to the best of their ability dodged and block each of the beams. Many slipped backed their defense, piercing their bodies but they grinded their teeth and bared through the pain.

Finally the beams disbursed and the room returned back to its white color. The teens fell to the ground on their hands and knees exhausted. "So many," Megan panted. She could feel that she was at her limits. Looking at the exhausted expressions on her friends' faces, she was not the only one.

"Hmph."

Robin looked up to see the long red blade of energy at his neck. He froze as the man raised the blade, poise to swing it down.

"Rob!" Wally darted forward. He blocked the red beam sword with Robin's Eskrima stick and used his free hand to push his friend out of harm's way. Wally let out a sharp cry of pain as the second red beam the man was holding slammed into his side, tossing him into the air.

"KF!" Robin shouted. He pushed off the ground, darting forward. Smoothly he grabbed the Eskrima stick from Wally's hand. Using that momentum, he slammed into the man's body, pushing him back. Not giving him a moment to recover, Robin unleashed a series of combos on the man ending with swift uppercut that launched the man into the air.

"Now Superboy!" Robin shouted.

Superboy leapt into the air, appearing above the man. He raised his two hands above his head and swung them down like a hammer. The man came crashing to the ground, sending shockwaves through the room and cracking the floor. The room began to fill with bright white light.

"Curses…" the man said. He rose to his feet, hand stretched out as small bursts of black energy. The teens grimaced. That still wasn't enough to beat him?

"I will… not be stopped!" the man said. However as he took a step forward, his body began to dissolve, vanishing into black swirls.

The white light filled the room causing everyone to throw up their arms in attempt to shield their eyes. Soon the light died back down.

Kaldur opened his eyes. Instead of the white room they were previously fighting in, they were now back in living room of Mount Justice. Everything was left untouched as it was. The TV still displayed the No Signal that Superboy often watched. The cookies Megan had just finished baking before all of this happened were still sitting on the counter.

"What happened?" Artemis asked.

"We're back home?" Megan pointed out.

"I guess beating him really did sent us back home," Wally said. "Win to Exit Trope for the win!"

Just then the doors opened revealing Black Canary. She walked into the living room. "Where have you kids bee- What happened to you guys?" she shouted. The kids looked as if they been through the ringer. Their uniforms were torn, their appearances were disheveled, and while there were no open wounds they looked as if they had just come out of a serious fight.

The teens shared a look. Then they all collapsed on the couch, exhausted beyond belief.

"It's best not to ask," Kaldur finally said. "We're not quite sure how it happened ourselves."

Robin gave a sagely nod. "Trapped in TVland trope."

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><p>The End.<p>

Did you find all the tvtropes Tropes and other genre savvy-ness?

For those of you who didn't get it, the game the team is stuck in is Kingdom Hearts 2 and they're facing against Xemnas (his 4th and final form). Don't ask how they got into the game. Probably the same way they did in "Oh, that's where we are".

Please Review. :3


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